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The Big man came out to play on Friday for the much anticipated Peter Bundy Cycles Fat-Mans Wheelrace. Rider’s handicaps were determined primarily by the competitor’s weight with a small consideration for racing division.

The first order of business was the weigh-in. To qualify for the event you must weigh more than I do. The scary thing is that I weighed in at 95.1kg which ruled out over 90% of all competitors. The first big shock and embarrassment for me, was when big man Jason Roberts pulled up short on the weigh-in. Jason who has a leg diameter equal to that of the average women’s waist tilted the scales at a measly 93.4kg, which instantly meant that one of the top favourites would not be starting the race.

Ross Harding has been waiting all his cycling career for a race of this nature and jumped on the scales with a massive smile on his face. The smile grew even larger when the digital scales read 115.0kg, which incidentally was the weight he had predicted. Ross a Div 2 rider landed a handicap of 141m

Matty Hynes jumped on the scales and Japan recorded a small earthquake. Mathew’s weight was an impressive 123.1kg. This caused me a little concern. Part of the prize for the race, was the winner’s weight in $ coins, I had only packed $120 in the belief that this would cover anything that a bike frames could handle (credit due to Hillbrick frames). I was quick to scrape around the glove box of my car in desperation of three extra dollars just in case. Matty faired well in the handicap starting a handy 217m

Andrew Burne Weighed-in and actually had to ask me what the numbers on the scale said due to the enormous distance his eyes are from the ground. Andrew is aptly described as a Man-Mountain and at 112kg he seems more mountain than man. Andrew’s starting mark would be was 110m

Geoff Hopkins (softy) is capable of an excellent 1km time and would be dangerous off 69m with his 105.7kg of pure soft muscle

Tony Unicombe is a short man, but he packs a heap of weight especially in his pectorals. 100.7kg scored him 49m’s

Tim Murphy and Craig Pullen both Division 4 only scraped in above the legal weight. Starting off 39m and 71m respectively, they would find it difficult to catch the leading wheels.

Stewart Campbell (computer) became our scratch man with a measly 18m handicap.

Alastair McCausland was of much interest; on weigh-in he only equaled my weight. My wife (Monica) took the rules literally and indicated he was ineligible. Five quick gulps of the water bottle had Big Al re-weighed at 95.2.

The Race

From the gun Mathew Hynes struggled to get his carcass up to speed whilst Geoff Hopkins was by far the quickest starter. By the time Matthew got going all eyes were on Hopkins who was flying up to the leaders. However they don’t call Hopkins Softy for nothing and by the end of the second lap it was all over for him. Attention now turned to Ross Harding, who was making serious in-roads into Mathew’s lead. A quick glance behind Ross but still a distance away was Man-Mountain Andrew Burne who had his 110 inch gear wound up. Coming into the final lap it was all coming together. By the looks of pain on the rider’s faces it would come down to momentum (Momentum = Mass x Velocity) and it was Andrew Burne who’s formula delivered the highest value, followed by Ross Harding and Mathew Hynes in third. 

Two presentations took place; the first one at the Velodrome was presented by Peter Bundy who provided over $400 worth of reinforced cycling equipment along with the three trophies’. The perpetual trophy which was skillfully built by David Lane (Actionsnaps) featured one of the largest saddles I have ever seen.

The Second presentation was conducted in the HandleBar Tavern. Each of the Place getters received a second trophy this time full of amber liquid. Additionally Andrew Burne received his $112 in dollar coins. Before I poured the money into Andrew’s hands, I noticed that his hands must weigh a couple of Kilo’s alone. If you look closely at the photo below you will see Andrew holding a Jug not a schooner as it appears.